Me as an Elf...You can do it too!

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1120704182

Gangsta Science/Economics

My friend Raaj sent this to me: http://www.jamphat.com/rap/ It's really long but well worth it. One of my favorites:

Everest Hallmark Cards

I think a ghost is trying to choke me

For awhile now I’ve had this thing where If there is anything too close to my neck I start to gag/dry heave randomly and uncontrollably. I used to think it was kind of funny but it’s embarrassing now. It just started happening more frequently. It mostly happens when I’m walking up the hill to my house. It’s not like there’s anything really tight around my neck. I’m the first to admit it’s weird and crazy. I bet the neighbors think I have turrets. I had a friend whose ex-boyfriend used to gag when people burped.

I have added another dream pet. A hippo.



Jessica does the following:

Eats sweet potatoes
Kisses puppies
Sleeps while wild male hippos mate


I’m also in the market for a Sherpa. One to help me get out of bed and find new more exciting ways to get to work and back.

What's your favorite holiday?

oh mine?...THANKSGIVING!!!! Thanksgiving we've been together for a long time now and you've never let me down. Even last year when it was just you and me and info-mercials. Even the year before that when you sat with me while I iced my knee. Well Thanksgiving I guess what i'm trying to get at is will you marry me? I know it should be you asking me but it just feels like the right thing to ask of my favorite holiday. I don't have a ring but it doesn't matter because you don't have fingers. I promise you I'll never have as much fun on any other holiday. Halloween is a hussy, Easter is a prude, and Christmas is not my type. St. Patricks and I are just friends. We've been through this. Thanksgiving I will wait for your reply next year.

Waxing Gibbous

http://www.paulsadowski.org/BirthDay.asp
28 November 1982

Your date of conception was on or about 7 March 1982 which was a Sunday.

You were born on a Sundayunder the astrological sign Sagittarius.

Your Life path number is 5.

Your fortune cookie reads: Keep your plans secret for now.

Life Path Compatibility:You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 3 & 9.You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path number 8.You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 6, 11 & 22.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2445301.5.
The golden number for 1982 is 7.
The epact number for 1982 is 5.
The year 1982 was not a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 1/25/1982 and ending 2/12/1983.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Dog.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Owl; your plant is Mistletoe.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Menchir, the second month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 12 Kislev 5743.Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 13 Kislev 5743.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.18.9.8.17 which is12 baktun 18 katun 9 tun 8 uinal 17 kin

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Sunday, 11 Safar 1403 (1403-2-11).
The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 11 April 1982.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 18 April 1982.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 24 February 1982.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 30 May 1982.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 6 June 1982.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 18 September 1982.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 8 April 1982.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 23 February 1982.

As of 11/21/2007 12:38:49 PM ESTYou are 24 years old.
You are 300 months old.
You are 1,303 weeks old.You are 9,124 days old.
You are 218,988 hours old.You are 13,139,318 minutes old.
You are 788,359,129 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:
Scarlett Pomers (1988)
span style="color:#ff0000;">Anna Nicole Smith (1967)
Jon Stewart (1965)
Judd Nelson (1959)
Ed Harris (1950)
Alexander Godunov (1949)
Paul Shaffer (1949)
Joe Dante (1946)
Randy Newman (1943)
Berry Gordy, Jr. (1929)
Brooks Atkinson (1894)

Top songs of 1982
I Love Rock `n' Roll by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts
Eye of the Tiger by Survivor
Ebony and Ivory by Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder
Centerfold by J. Geils Band
Maneater by Daryl Hall & John Oates
Jack & Diane by John Cougar
Don't You Want Me by Human League
Up Where We Belong by Joe Cocker & Jennifer Warnes
Abracadabra by Steve Miller Band
Hard to Say I'm Sorry by Chicago

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 3.57103718199609 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)
Your lucky day is Thursday.
Your lucky number is 3.
Your ruling planet(s) is Jupiter & Neptune.
Your lucky dates are 3rd, 12th, 21st, 30th.
Your opposition sign is Gemini.
Your opposition number(s) is 5.
Today is not one of your lucky days!

There are 7 days till your next birthdayon which your cake will have 25 candles.
Those 25 candles produce 25 BTUs,or 6,300 calories of heat (that's only 6.3000 food Calories!) .You can boil 2.86 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birthstone is Citrine -->The Mystical properties of Citrine
Citrine is said to help one connect with Spirit.

Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Yellow Topaz, Pearl, Diamond
Your birth tree is Ash Tree, the Ambition

Uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with its fate, can be egoistic, very reliable and trustworthy, faithful and prudent lover, sometimes brains rule over heart, but takes partnership very serious.

There are 34 days till Christmas 2007!There are 47 days till Orthodox Christmas!

The moon's phase on the day you wereborn was waxing gibbous.

Click on the picturefor more information.
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40yo self saying to 25yo self

You can't leave a pizza in your room over night and then eat it for lunch the next day. That pizza had meat on it and you're probably going to get sick. Do me a favor and go to the grocery store and make meals. Do you think eating all of that shitty food isn't going to catch up with you? You think you're invincible well let me tell you I have a gunt because of you.

Just say YES!

The data is in and you should just say yes to random "opportunities" and girls that ask you questions in the mall as a rule. They are fate personified. (backstory below)

Red headed step children

I had an eye appointment yesterday at Lenscrafters in the mall. When I was finished I decided to go look at boots. On my way to Macy's this girl came up to me and wanted to ask me a question. She was taking her finals at Vidal Sassoon Academy and needed to dye someone's hair red orange. I said yes and now I'm scared. The only thing I have to go on are the words "red orange" and "carrot top". I followed her to Macy's because she said there was a poster of the red but it was no longer up. She said she'd fix it if I hated it but I'd have to live with it for a few days. So all in all I'll only loose my self-respect for 4-5 days. I could have called to cancel last night but I figured that an "opportunity" as random as this you shouldn't say no to right? Well I'll fucking find out today. Here are a few pictures of "red orange".........I'm scared. If you can't find me for a few weeks it's because I'm wearing a hat or i'm hanging out with my wiccan friends.

Things to remember when I'm dropping $40,000 on diamonds

1.) Delicous recipe:

• combine water and pasta in a pot. bring to boil.
• walk away because if you watch the pot it will take forever.
• Drink your 40 and watch OC housewives.
• Run back to the stove because the water is boiling over. If you are Catholic you can make penance for this mistake by turning the knob down to 3.
• Return to OC housewives and 40.
• Check on pot. It's not doing anything. Turn back up to seven.
• When pasta is done strain
• Mix in Balsamic vinagarette dressing; spicy thai sauce; butter; pepper
• Enjoy!
  

2.) The taste of a 3 day old opened 40
3.) Having stomach pains from the combination of pasta recipe and age of 40

4.) Knowing that you can buy a weeks worth of ramen and eggs for under $4.00

Dropping like flies

Call back: Remember how i said that I lost the bottom part to the heel of my boot? Well I almost lost the other one last night. This is what it looks like. I caught it trying to run away.

Soft punches

So this morning I was 20 minutes late to work because I spent 20 minutes in bed willing myself to get up and meet the day. I made it through the same boring walk and stopped to get a cup of coffee even though I knew it would add to my lateness. I spent the 3 stops to Kendall thinking of what would be the perfect work life. I already know in some ways. I want to be Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex in the City. Not really her because she's annoying but maybe have her life in terms of having an apartment, a social life, and a rewarding job that enables you to get coffee and write articles in your underwear. I don't think this is entirly impossible but how the fuck do you get to that point and what do you sacrifice for it? I don't think that it's reality. So I got that out of the way by the time I got to Kendall. On the walk to work I realized that I was not only 20 minutes late to work but 5 minutes late for a meeting. A pointless meeting set up to "encourage" me. To make me feel like I have some sort of impact at work. I think I have a little impact I"m not completely pissed about it but I want to leave a dent and that's not happening. After the meeting I wrote 3 pages of what I want in life why i'm pissed about it and what I think I should do about it. That made me feel anxious so I responded by requesting information from the Aveda Institue in NY. Here is there mission statement:

It seems simple and intuitive, the way most sudden realizations are. It's the Aveda philosophy of learning. We maintain that education should go beyond technical skills. Aveda believes that learning is about more than mastering the craft—it's about growing as an individual—at your own pace, in your own way.

Doesn't that sound nice? It would be better if it didnt have to do with cosmetology. I hate that word. So that is my soft punch at complaining about my "career". I also wrote down the number to schedule an informational interview. I'm getting really good at those. I'm actually not as bitter as I sound. I feel like I have somewhat of a sense of humor about it. I'll figure it out.

28 days later is still following me. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about it. In all honestly i was waiting for roomates with bloody eyes to bust through the door and I was trying to decide if I'd try to fight them or I'd just man up and let them puke blood in my face. I would say fight but that's an almost guaranteed lifetime of fighting and being paranoid. So I guess it would come down the actual moment. I could argue either side. I also had magic legs last night.

I feel tired and hungover today but in a pretty good mood. I had a show last night where I didn't steam role or talk about vaginas but decided to play a naked actress pre shoot not clad in a towell but a robe. Apparently this was a poor choice but I liked it because it really had nothing to do with being smutty and more to do with history. There's nothing wrong with history and fake naked. If i did it all the time then i will allow you to worry about me but it was one choice in one moment on a Sunday night.

In other news I'm slightly embarrassed about the fact that I'll be bringing Ramen noodles to our company's Thanksgiving pot luck. It's that or pasta with not enough sauce.

F I in the A

If improv had teeth i'd fucking kick them in. I'm pissed at that bitch. I've turned into a steam roller that just talks about vaginas. I don't know why? It used to just be southern accents and dropped offers. Now it's aggressive vagina talk. I want it to be casual gift giving and receiving. Like a nice Sunday brunch that your funniest friends go to but instead i'm the drunk asshole at the party. I'm sure not completely but that's what it feels like right now. I want to throw in the towel but I'm sure this is one of those times in life where you're supposed to stick it out and learn a lesson. I did that in a cartoon class in highschool and I can draw people better now. I just feel like I ate garlic and everyone at the gym knows that I stink except for me. Bullshit.

When I grow up

When I was little I wanted to be Sheera when I grew up. Is Sheera considered law enforcement?


Below are your complete test results. You may click any field to learn more. Visit the Resource Center for more helpful career information.

Category
Percentages

Security/Criminal Justice
100
Visual Arts
80
Social Sciences/Services
67
Business & Management
60
Entrepreneurs
60
Agriculture/Forestry
60
Manufacturing
60
Natural Sciences
50
Sales & Marketing
50
Construction & Maintenance
50
Communications
43
Healthcare
43
Creative/Performing Arts
40
Administrative/Clerical
17
Education
17
Government/Policy
0
Mechanical/Electrical
0
Technology
0
Finance/Accounting
0

.....

My ex: is far away
Maybe I should: eat better than I do.
I love: dogs
I don't understand: math and my forgetfulness
I lose: my favorite lady gloves
People say I'm: nice I guess. That’s lame.
Love is: retarded
Somewhere, someone is: wasting time just like I am
I will always: have a bleeding heart
Forever seems: retarded
I never want to: get an STD
I think the current President is: a douche
When I woke up this morning: I was trying to remember if I sleep walked
I get annoyed when: people are condescending
Parties are: parties
My pet is: in TN.
Kisses are the worst when: they’re near your butt
Today I: at 2 lunches
Tomorrow I'm going to: try to be productive
I really want: a dog, a tub, and a boat
I have low tolerance for people that: are shitty
If I had a million dollars I'd: buy a house, a dog, a horse, a rich old friend nana to drink tea with, a boat and a horse, and a tub.

I think the wierdest thing I've done all week

I printed something by accident so I went to the copy room to get it. While I was waiting I found a thing on the counter. I realized it was the bottom part of a heal from a shoe. I go crazy when I loose that part of my shoe and it seems to happen a lot. Without it you sound like a pirate walking down the hall and not a confidate lady. It just so happens that I lost that same part of my shoe earlier this morning. I put it in my pocket and snuck it out of the copy room to go "try it on". It's not for my shoe.

WTF

I went to work and was going to go to the gym after but realized I forgot my sneakers. I went home after work to get them, got to the gym only to realize that my fucking sneakers were at home. I don't understand how this happens but it does.

Post Halloween Costume Advice

Try out your costume ahead of time. Give yourself a week to get used to it. I recomend taking a nap in your costume. If you wake up and you're still psyched about it then it's a keeper.

Costume Kits

The four contenders are:

1. Jean Bennette Ramsey
2. Skunk that sprays poop spray
3. Sausage Party
4. Viggo Mortensen in Eastern Promises