Magical

I went to the parade yesterday. The parade itself was a shit show of borderline suck/awesomeness. We got stuck next to a pack of 13 year old boys with dirt lips and zit chins. I told them "Handle your fucking shit!" Here is part of their conversation:

Douche 1: "ked stop kickin my legs"

Douche 2: It wasn't me!

Douche 1: Yar it was ked your right fuckin behind me

Douche 2: Why you trying to be a tough guy?

Douche 1: I'm not ked I just wanna know who the fuck is kickin my legs.

Fight. Douche 1 dissapears.

Douche 2: Ked did you see that! I fucking nailed him ked. LET"S GO BOBBY!!! LET"S GO BOBBY

The rest went the same only douche 3 and 4 came in. Douche 2 and 3 knocked 4 to the ground. I felt dirty after seeing it all. I picked douche 4 up off the ground. This is all in lady work clothes.

The best part of yesterday and my life is when we were walking back to work and there were a bunch of cops that went by so we waited. Two minutes later all of the duck boats drove by 3 feet in front of me. I was so excited that i just screamed YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH. Everyone waived. Coco Crisp looked right at us! It was awesome.

Figures this was the only picture I got:

Papplebottom

Papplebottom IS CRAZY.....and awesome














Caldwell IS CRAZY......and shitty

I don't have a camera

I saw this the other day.

Dream Diary

Phone: Bring Bring...Bring Bring

Person: Hello?

Me: Hi Terry?

Person: No it's Schilling

Me: Schilling? What are you doing at Terry's?

Schilling: I forgot my toothbrush.

Me: Oh

Schilling: It's not what you think

Me: I wasn't thinking anything

Schilling: Oh

Me: Is Terry there

Schilling: He just go out of the shower hold on....

Terry: Hello

Me: Hey Terry

Terry: Hey Lindsay

Me: Hey Terry I think you should take out Lugo and move Youk and put Papi at first.

Terry: You're a GENIOUS!!!

Me: I know. I dreamt that it happened so I figured I'd call. Anyway I don't want to keep you.

Terry: What do you mean keep me?

Me: I don't mean anything it's late.

Terry: Oh.

Me: Well anyways good luck

Terry: Thanks Lindsay

Things I would have done yesterday if I was 50

1. I would have written a letter to the Cambridgeside Galleria mall calling their staff “apathetic at best”.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I was in your establishment the other night to run some errands. Are your stores run by fucking retarded adolescent zombies or is it just me? Maybe I’m mistaken. Maybe I'm confused by the concept of customer service. That very well might be. Apparently it was God’s gift to me that they showed up to work that day. Apparently I was supposed to kiss their asses. I didn’t and I can see how this may have upset a few employees. So instead I am writing this letter to apologize for not doing my part yesterday.


2. Verbal Altercation #1 Lens Crafters

Doctor: “I’m sorry we can’t fit you for contacts tonight because the woman who would teach you is not here right now”

Me: Oh I’m sorry I didn’t see that your fucking hands were broken.

3. Verbal Altercation #2 Lens Crafters

Receptionist: Here is everything you’ll need for tomorrow in a bag ma’am

Me: Well I’m coming here tomorrow can’t I just leave it here.

Receptionist: Actually, um, nooooo because we’ll get it confused.

Me: Well then write my fucking name on the bag and put it aside…..would that help?

4. I would have saved the Lens Crafters bag to carry my lunch for the next 3 years or until un-usable. Then i would have switched to a Starbucks bag.


The scary part is I had all these feelings yesterday but lacked the entitlement I would have had to go apeshit if I was 50. Hormones are awesome.